Monday, January 9, 2012

Odd Jobs

      It's Monday, Back to the grind after the fun and relaxation of the weekend, Monday. On the bright side, Listicles over at Stasha's. This week's topic is supplied by Varda at The Squashed Bologna, Top 10 Strange (odd, unusual,funny,interesting) Jobs you've had in your life.


    
     This should be a piece of cake, God knows I've worked at enough different places. This list can also include non paid jobs, things you were responsible for or oversaw and volunteer positions. That opens the field even wider. Here they are in no particular order.

1 Gladiolus Bulb Planter - The first paid job I ever had, I think I was about 12 or 13. Planting bulbs for my aunt and uncle at the greenhouse they owned. Ever planted an acre or two by hand? Fun times.

2 Crap Handler - This is a direct result of growing up on a farm, living in the country and having dairy farmers for both grandparents. I have an intimate relationship with shit. Cow, pig, sheep or my personal favourite poultry of any kind. I've shovelled it, spread it on fields, Hell, I've even worn it on occasion.
Perfect tie in to 3.

3 Vet's Assistant - By vet I mean my father, mother, grandparents, aunts and uncles. If you've got livestock, you've got to take care of them. I've helped deliver babies, given shots, pills, changed dressings, chopped off horns, tails and testicles (not to be confused with Listicles, subtle tie in, right Stasha?), snapped off teeth and just generally run around doing what I was told. The one thing I never had to do, thanks Dad, was put down an animal. My father always shouldered that responsibility.

4 Chicken Wrangler - That's right, as a kid my job (along with help from my cousins) was chasing/finding the chickens after their heads were removed. You've heard that expression " Running around like a chicken with their head cut off", I've lived it. One of my most vivid childhood memories is my cousin doubled over laughing as a chicken with no head kicked a soccer ball all over our yard. Good times, again.

5 Cowboy - I lived every kid's dream. Let me tell you, the dream is way more fun that the reality. We all had horses or ponies, everybody had cattle and no one had good fences. I've chased cattle all over Lanark county, on horseback and foot. I've been stepped on, kicked, run down, dragged and crushed between. The fun just never stopped I tell ya. It helped develop my colourful language skills.

6 Heavy Machine Operator -  I worked with my father for a year before venturing off to the city. Among other things I drove a dump truck and a grain combine. For whatever reason people never believe I grew up on a "real" farm. It was always fun seeing people's expressions from school as I drove one of the machines through town. I swear there was whiplash.

7 Park Ranger - Okay, ranger is overstating it. My mother was superintendent of one of the provincial parks and I worked with her. BEST JOB EVER. I spent a lot of the summer in a bathing suit cleaning the beach. Least favourite part, finding all the new and interesting places people would take a dump. Changing rooms, shower stalls, pretty much everywhere but the bathrooms.

8 Print Model - Again, way overstating it. Years and years ago, a lovely young woman approached me at a club and asked if I would be interested in doing a photo shoot the next day. She said she liked my look. In my semi drunken stupor, of course I agreed. I showed up the next morning for one of the strangest and oddly most boring days of my life. There were a bunch of us all in this rather non descript entry. We were ushered into one of the city's best known dungeons. This was the photo shoot, S&M and bondage gear. Of course by this time pride wouldn't let me back out, I didn't want to look like a woose, so... I had no idea. Some of the get ups were so elaborate. The boring part was sitting around (uncomfortably might I add) for most of the day, waiting for the actual shoot. No nudity, all staged, quite tame and professional. A bit of a let down actually. No real weirdness other than the situation I had found myself in. Of course I'm still available for print work, some one has to be the before model, right?

9 Hospitality Specialist - I have been a dishwasher, fired for being so clumsy and breaking too many dishes, fry cook, Scott's Chicken Villa, KFC at it's finest, fired for repeated lateness, bus boy, host, bartender/waiter, fired three times and re hired by the same place, manager, instructor, event planner and owner (or so I thought but that is another very long story). Some of the best times and worst nightmares have come from my long career in catering, restaurants and bars. The stories I could tell you.

10 Blogger/Family Historian - Of course I had to add this one. The experience thus far has been far more fulfilling that I had ever thought. The weird thing is how people react. I have only recently started flashing around my "blogger badge" and people and establishments suddenly treat me differently. You know like I have a clue or influence or something. That's been fun. We'll see how that plays out over the years.

     There you have it, my spin on my 10 strangest jobs. Quite the skill set I've developed over the years, no?
Don't forget to drop by Stasha's and see all the other amazing skills we've acquired.

18 comments:

  1. Why does everyone always seem surprised to learn that there are actually farmers out there still? No one could believe that I actually had spent time on a farm.....why would anyone make that up?
    I didn't know about the print model one....if you're the family historian, where's the pictures? LOL

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  2. Oh dear, sorry your modeling days were a bit of a let down. I must admit I am left wondering what about your look appealed to her :)
    Great list Paul!

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  3. Hey Rory, I usually got, "but not a real farm right". People think we're all that gap toothed stereo type I guess.
    I have no idea what happened to/with those pictures. They'll undoubtedly surface when I run for Prime Minister or something LOL

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  4. Stasha, to this day I have no idea. I got asked to do a music video too but I was stone sober for that one LOL

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  5. Hahahaha... that's quite a list! The chicken wrangler thing... it reminded me of when I was small... My grandma used to take me to the market (this was in the good ol' days when supermarkets were a rarity). She'd pick the chicken that she wanted among the flock, and then the guy would slit its throat right in front of us. The dying chicken would then run around like mad, bloody and all. It gave me nightmares, needless to say. lol

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  6. I'm a little upset now. Why have I never been approached to model S&M bondage gear? The only time I've been approached by someone offering to pay me was to take a survey at Costco. It's just not fair!
    m.

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  7. Wow. That is an impressive list. Especially the modelling. But wait...you went from chasing chickens to cooking them?

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  8. Hi Sweaty, growing up on the farm = no more being squeamish. I remember once at my grandfather's a plucked chiken got up and atarted running around. They did the knife thing and I quess only wounded it?? That freaked me out a little. Ahh the memories.

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  9. Mark, you were probably never approaced because you didn't look stupid enough to accept. Obviously I did and was. Gotta say it was an experience though.
    No one has ever offered to pay me to take a survey at Costco?

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  10. Greta, a boy's gotta eat. Not to mention after raising them, cleaning them getting pecked at by them, no problem eating them. LOL

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  11. Oh my gosh! I'm laughing out loud at the chicken wrangler one...I can just see a chicken with no head kicking a soccer ball.
    It sounds like you've had some very interesting jobs! They make for great stories, though :)

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  12. Good times Jen. The things that entertained us before satellite TV and the internet LOL

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  13. Ah my husband grew up on a farm. He has told me so many stories about it! He was never a chicken wrangler though, Bet its as funny to see as it sounds!

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    1. We loved it. Nothing says good old fashioned family fun like blood splattered children. LOL Norman Rockwell never painted that.

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  14. What? Chicken wrangler? Is that supposed to scare me? Ha! Did you have to stop being a 'print model' because of some horrible disfiguring accident or something?

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  15. Funny you should mention it but I did have a horrible, vaguely disfiguring accident shortly after that. But no, sobriety cut my modelling days short. (and not being quite so gullible)

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    1. Then it's really not so funny that I mentioned that, is it? You should definitely say something mean to me immediately. I have a list of things you could use if you need some tips.

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    2. It's kind of funny. It involved clumsy me, a wet floor, metal trash can and my forehead. Blood everywhere and a huge gash between my eyes and going up over my eyebrow. A big deal when it happened. Everyone was all, Plastic surgery, like I'm that vain, cough. It looked gruesome for about a year then has now faded to nothing. I don't really need tips on mean things to say, they usually come out spontaneously when provoked LOL

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Thanks for your comment, I hope you enjoyed your time in the "Kitchen".