Mirror, Mirror

    
     Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most freakin' awesome person of all? Why you are of course. No doubt about it. Wouldn't life be grand?

     Everyday we are confronted with reflections of ourselves. Staring back at us as we start our day until we brush our teeth getting ready for bed. Who is that person gazing back at me? A question most everyone ponders from time to time.

     There is always someone ready to fill that in for us. Children, parents, siblings, friends and colleagues. They also serve as mirrors, fun house mirrors in many cases, reflecting back who they think we are. But is that the real you or the person they need you to be? I mull this over from time to time, I'm sure I'm not alone. (I hope I'm not alone.)

     Venturing out into the interweb, I'll admit, this question has come up more and more. Am I really as clever as I think? as funny? Who is this capable woman I remember like this?

    
      If you met me in real life, would I be what you thought? How would I describe myself?

     Some things are easy. I'm quite shy, painfully so in my youth. I started working in restaurants to force myself to get better at interacting with people. That worked, sort of. In a work setting, or as a host, I'm brilliant. I can remember details, do introductions, make chit chat. That's my job, I'm comfortable, I'm playing a part. Meeting new people in a social setting or worse networking to promote myself..... Back to square one. I still blush fairly easily. Once I have gotten to know you, then I never shut up.

     I'm fair. Sounds silly but it manifests itself in almost every facet of who I am. I judge a person by who they are or what they do rather than by gender, race, religion, orientation, whatever. The world divides into those who are nice to me and those who aren't. And, in all fairness, I know I have given some of them cause not to be nice to me. Who you are or what you believe is absolutely no threat to me or what I believe to be true.

     I take people at their word, because I try to always keep mine. I know that there are at least two sides to a story with the truth usually in the middle. I can accept what you are saying even if I don't believe it myself. I have infinite patience if you are trying but have no problem calling bullshit it you aren't. I hate the phrase "telling it like it is" because so many people use it as an excuse to say mean and hurtful things, usually in a room full of people. There really is a time and a place. Feel free to speak your mind, just remember, I have one too.

     According to testing for work, I'm a good critical thinker. I can look at a situation and respond. I have no problem being in charge and taking responsibility for my actions. Better to act and be wrong than do nothing at all. I can make decisions quickly based on the information that I have and adapt to anything new that comes later. It is surprising, to me, the number of people who won't make a decision. They will wait to be told, then it is someone else's fault. How bad is it to be wrong (I freely admit I hate being wrong)? Obviously I'd sweat that a little more if I was a cardiac surgeon or something but I'm not.

    I like to think I'm a good listener, even if recent events have shaken that a little. I understand we all react to things differently. How I cope is not how you cope.

     I love to laugh and have a healthy sense of the ridiculous. How absurd is it that a 200 pound, 6 foot man would come crashing out of the bathroom because there is a spider in the bathtub? We're all pretty ridiculous if you think about it. Life is too short to take yourself that seriously. Kanye, stop reading your own press releases.

     Where does all of this lead? Normally I get described as confident, arrogant even, social, fixer of things, silly/foolish/stupid, and confidante extraordinaire. These shoulders have seen a lot of tears.

     The confidant thing always makes me laugh. The butterflies in my stomach tell me differently. People who describe me as arrogant, are usually people who are rude to me. I don't care if you are the CEO, if you are an obnoxious pr**ck, don't expect me to fawn all over you, not gonna happen. Conversely, just because you're mopping the floors doesn't mean I won't treat you with respect. Everybody deserves that.

     Reading this article over at Confessions of a Recovering Supermom, and you really should read it, was an eye opener for me. Finally things made some sense.

     I have been told I'm good with people, an excellent manager and teacher. I find it exhausting, I always have. Even though I can make decisions quickly, I prefer not to. I like to mull things over, look at them from all angles then go forward or make a comment. I like parties, but end up talking to a few people rather than being the life of. I crave my alone time and am a raving lunatic if I don't get enough. I'm an introvert.

     Living for as long as I have in this skin, I have made peace with it. What are the options? The most dangerous two words in the English language are "if only". Mistake that for confidence or arrogance if you will, but all it means is that I am comfortable with the person I am. I try and be better day by day.

     Who do you think you are?