T.O.K. goes to the Movies

     Ya, I know, family month, busy, fewer posts blah blah blah. But Rorybore is family, so this isn't procrastinating. I swear. A showing of family support and love. That's the story I'm stickin' to.

     First Coffee Chat of 2012, Movies that make you go..... in my case, WTF. I can't believe I sat through this, I don't care about the money I want that hour and a half of my life back.

     I love movies. Having studied the more technical side of theatre, I can love a horrible movie for great costuming, cinematography.... or just plain ole lots of sh*t blows up. I can suspend disbelief, I have a very active imagination. I am very forgiving, with a wide range of what I will sit through. Everything from Blue Planet documentaries to Big Top Pee Wee. I have never actually got up, left and demanded a refund. Let's get to that list shall we.

     Hands down number 1 goes to , drum roll please, ET. I hated this movie. I mean as I was watching this particular sappy bit of merde I fantasized about having an rocket launcher to take that kid and his bike right out of the sky. Stay here, I'm not phoning home, I'm going home. You want cool ET sci fi, Close Encounters.

     I knew I wouldn't like this. I resisted the urge during the first run and all the hype. A "friend" having found out I had never seen it dragged me when it was re released. Oh how I wish I had kept my mouth shut. Any hoo, on with the list.

     Anything by Spike Lee. The worst part of this is, I usually like the premise. I have a brain, I can figure out those subtle social observations all on my own. I don't need you to beat me to death with your message.

     In the same vein, anything by Micheal Moore. If you want me to take you seriously, don't come across as such a giant douche. Again, I don't object to the lesson, it's the method.

     There are the crossover star vehicles.
Honey- Jessica Alba what were you thinking. I loved Dark Angel on the small screen.
Glitter - Okay Mariah, it was just crap from script to screening, I don't blame you. But for such a control freak diva, really, did you watch the dailies?
The Bodyguard - How did this train wreck ever get to the screen?
Showgirls - ????? Gina Gershon, what were you thinking? Did you need the pay cheque that bad?

    Sequels and remakes.
Pink Panther - Mr Martin, you make me laugh but to go up against Peter Sellers?
Saw II-VI - How many ways can you watch someone get offed? Points to the first one for originality but...
Scorpion King II and a third in the making - What? The first one wasn't that good.
The Mummy III, Curse of the whatever it was - Without Rachel it just wasn't the same. Sometimes you just have to let go.

     The ones that go on and on...............
Titanic - Longest movie ever. Creepy pairing with Leo and Kate, he looks like he's 10. Coolest special effects ever for the actual sinking of the ship, almost removed the creepy factor of the above.
The English Pati Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz See, I couldn't even type the title without falling asleep.
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I loved the books, I liked the movies. Take out the New Zealand landscape documentary and it would have been much better and shorter. There is an extended version? Why? Then there was that weird Sam and Frodo gazing adoringly at each other all the time.  I kept half expecting a little hobbit on hobbit action in the next scene. Disturbing.

     Finally, my favourite category. What were you thinking?
Catwoman - Halle Berry, how could you? Although points for an Oscar and a Razzie in the same year.
The Postman, Waterworld, The Bodyguard, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves - Kevin, Kevin, Kevin
Blame it on Rio - No Mr Caine, I blame it on you.
Wolverine - Hugh, Liev how did it all go so wrong??

     As you can see, much like the Titanic theme song, I could go on and on and on. I won't. Just to give you a quick point of reference, some all time favourites.
Sunset Boulevard - Gloria Swanson was genius, Carol Burnett's lampooning was too
Gilda - Rita Hayworth, no equal
All of the Resident Evil movies - Mila, call me I think I'm in love
Pitch Black - no reason but I've watched this over and over and over
Underworld - Kate, I love you almost as much as Mila
Easy A - Emma Stone, you are brilliant. The best part of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Anything Tim Burton touches and finally I really do love those Blue Planet documentaries.

     There you go. TOK at the movies. Head on over to Rory's place to see what else made or should I say didn't make, the cut.