Monday, January 16, 2012

Never Say Never

     Monday, Listicles, Stasha. Today our topic comes from Greta over at Not Enough Patience. Here were her words last Monday.

So, your topic (should you choose to accept it) is: "I'll Never...": The Top Ten Things You Said You Would NEVER Do And Have Caught Yourself Doing.

As a mom, there are a lot of things I've thought I'd never do/let my kids do/say to my kids. And there are a lot of things I've ended up doing/allowing/saying.

A LOT.

     I wasn't going to participate originally, I'm not a parent. I rarely tempt fate by saying "Never". It almost always comes back to bite you in the ass. Just going to read this week, have a laugh or two.

    Of course, "I'll never" has been careening around in my brain all week. That's when I came to a sad and disturbing realization. Here is my list, 10 things, as an unmarried, child free, man, I never thought I would have to say or do.

1 Clean your room. That has to be top of the list, my mom would laugh herself silly. Never thought I would ever have to utter those words, but when you can smell it all the way into the living room, yes, it is indeed time to clean your room.

2 Don't make me come up there. Usually followed by silence from the floor above.

3 Close your mouth when you chew. A direct result of being sprayed with food while at the dinner table.

Go before we leave. followed 10 minutes later by Why didn't you go before we left the house. Almost with out fail, every time any kind of travelling involved, 10 minutes from the house, begins the frantic search for a bathroom. Usually in code, Why don't we stop for a coffee.

Don't skateboard on the hardwood floors. Self explanatory.

The dishwasher is not a ride/toy. And now it has a dent in the side.

Go to your room. Never though I would have to enforce a time out.

Where ever you left it. In response to "Where is the.....?" or I can't find the..... I have to stop what I'm doing and find said object, which is usually right where I said it was if you'd only bother to look or put things back where they belong.

9 Pick up your toys. I can normally tell who is home, has been home and what they have been doing just by following the trail of discarded stuff through the house.

10 Potty training. Never thought I'd have to deal with that. Stand closer/Lift the seat or better yet Sit down. Either your aim or endowment isn't quite what you think it is. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't a hairball I went to pick up out of the shower drain.

      How does this happen you may wonder? For the last 13 years I have had housemates, 7 of us in a leased house previously, 5 of us here in the"Kitchen". And before you think I run a frat house, both male and female tenants over the years. Both equally as bad.

     Do my tenants see me as the benevolent, vaguely uncool, slightly bemused father figure? No. I have been cast in the stereotypical "Mom" role. Finder of lost things, doctor of hurts, fixer and cleaner upper of messes.
How in the hell???? Now I know why I find all the Mom blogs so funny. I can relate. Sigh.

     Having trouble with your little ones? Don't despair. When they're old enough, there is always a place for them here in the Kitchen aka The Home for Wayward Children. Well, I never.

     Thanks Greta, thanks a lot.

28 comments:

  1. It sounds like you are, indeed, a parent. You just have taller children than some people.

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    1. LOL, I have kids, other people's kids

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  2. Ha Ha Ha... too funny. I definitely use all these with my 3 kids and at times the hubby. "Go before we leave"... that's a biggie, especially with a 3 year old. I'm sure Leslie can attest to that!!! :)

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    1. Go before we leave is big with my 46 year old. They grow up so fast................ LOL

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  3. go before you leave....arghh! Why would anyone resist peeing? It's not that difficult. It hurts if you hold it. but still, they resist.
    for mine, I think they have some weird fascination with peeing on the highway. They just can't resist. even in winter: that's just painting the snow for a boy!

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    1. It's how we learn to spell LMAO (and explains why I need spell check for bigger words)

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  4. Hee hee! "Trail of discarded stuff" describes my house perfectly. And I hate it!

    Great list. Thanks for humoring me. :)

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    1. There are days I swear they shake like a dog and stuff just drops off them. Drives me mad.

      Thanks for the topic..... I think

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  5. Hi, it's me again. I have something for you on my blog. It's a good thing. :)

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  6. You are well trained Paul! Actually it seems your "kids" are worst then ours :) At least I think, because you cannot snuggle with them ( nobody like a stubble beard) and they probably drink. And by the time mine grows a beard and has a beer I hope he has moved in with someone lovely like you...

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    1. Yes, they have trained me well. It is a sad day when I'm the responsible adult (clean shaven or not). BTW my "kids" 22, 24 30 and 46. Some just never want to leave home. LOL

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  7. Ha! "Why don't we stop for coffee..." I've used that. And it works, however, it inevitably results in the need for yet another stop for a bathroom!!

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    1. LOL, I'm getting to know every coffee shop in the city

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  8. I think you've got the short end of the stick. You don't get to parent your "kids" when young. You've got them when they're already used to their own behaviors and thus, your left parenting! UGH!

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    1. It's not so bad. I have met some amazing, talented people. Just wish some were better house broken LOL

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  9. You're their 'mom away from mom'. Awww. Ha ha. It's all good practice for the day when you might decide to do it for real - the Mr. Mom thing, that is.

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    1. Mom away from mom LOL, maybe its because I cook?? I did have one woman tell me it reminded her of her grandmother!! My poor male ego.

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  10. Great list!
    www.mamaandthecity.com

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  11. Haha! Why, I never would've thought you played the 'mom role' with your tenants. Now I don't know which is worse - dealing with children or the adult equivalent ;)

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    1. I didn't ever think I would either. How did that happen???? LOL

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  12. Well I think you'd make a great mom. (-:
    seriously, if you can handle frat boys and women (who I know can be just as bad, you're right!) - you can handle anything. Even children.
    (-:
    Great post.

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    1. Thanks Ado(that's a compliment, right?) Mr mom it is then. sigh

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  13. Ha ha ha You just have older / bigger kids than the rest of us! But it sounds like you are doing a great job :) Especially at potty training! You might have to come potty train mine here soon!

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    1. No worries Audrey. If potty training fails, there's a place here. LOL

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  14. Dude. You're totally a mom.

    Welcome to the club.

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    1. LMAO, Bridget, there is just something wrong with "Dude, you're totally a mom." I'm not sure my fragile male psyche will get over this. Thanks for dropping by

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Thanks for your comment, I hope you enjoyed your time in the "Kitchen".