Never Say Never

     Monday, Listicles, Stasha. Today our topic comes from Greta over at Not Enough Patience. Here were her words last Monday.

So, your topic (should you choose to accept it) is: "I'll Never...": The Top Ten Things You Said You Would NEVER Do And Have Caught Yourself Doing.

As a mom, there are a lot of things I've thought I'd never do/let my kids do/say to my kids. And there are a lot of things I've ended up doing/allowing/saying.

A LOT.

     I wasn't going to participate originally, I'm not a parent. I rarely tempt fate by saying "Never". It almost always comes back to bite you in the ass. Just going to read this week, have a laugh or two.

    Of course, "I'll never" has been careening around in my brain all week. That's when I came to a sad and disturbing realization. Here is my list, 10 things, as an unmarried, child free, man, I never thought I would have to say or do.

1 Clean your room. That has to be top of the list, my mom would laugh herself silly. Never thought I would ever have to utter those words, but when you can smell it all the way into the living room, yes, it is indeed time to clean your room.

2 Don't make me come up there. Usually followed by silence from the floor above.

3 Close your mouth when you chew. A direct result of being sprayed with food while at the dinner table.

4  Go before we leave. followed 10 minutes later by Why didn't you go before we left the house. Almost with out fail, every time any kind of travelling involved, 10 minutes from the house, begins the frantic search for a bathroom. Usually in code, Why don't we stop for a coffee.

5 Don't skateboard on the hardwood floors. Self explanatory.

6 The dishwasher is not a ride/toy. And now it has a dent in the side.

7 Go to your room. Never though I would have to enforce a time out.

8 Where ever you left it. In response to "Where is the.....?" or I can't find the..... I have to stop what I'm doing and find said object, which is usually right where I said it was if you'd only bother to look or put things back where they belong.

9 Pick up your toys. I can normally tell who is home, has been home and what they have been doing just by following the trail of discarded stuff through the house.

10 Potty training. Never thought I'd have to deal with that. Stand closer/Lift the seat or better yet Sit down. Either your aim or endowment isn't quite what you think it is. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't a hairball I went to pick up out of the shower drain.

      How does this happen you may wonder? For the last 13 years I have had housemates, 7 of us in a leased house previously, 5 of us here in the"Kitchen". And before you think I run a frat house, both male and female tenants over the years. Both equally as bad.

     Do my tenants see me as the benevolent, vaguely uncool, slightly bemused father figure? No. I have been cast in the stereotypical "Mom" role. Finder of lost things, doctor of hurts, fixer and cleaner upper of messes.

How in the hell???? Now I know why I find all the Mom blogs so funny. I can relate. Sigh.

     Having trouble with your little ones? Don't despair. When they're old enough, there is always a place for them here in the Kitchen aka The Home for Wayward Children. Well, I never.

     Thanks Greta, thanks a lot.