Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Love and Marriage

     Another Tuesday Coffee Chat with my cousin aka RoryBore. I wasn't going to participate in this week's chat, I'm not married. Of course because I had read the prompt, it's all I've been thinking about lately. Gotta get it out of my brain and move on..LOL No tips on love or marriage, I'd give better advice on particle physics, just my musings.
     I've been in relationships, I've been single. Every time I'm single, my coupled up friends start trotting out prospective dates. I find it annoying that being on your own is always seen as lacking some how. You really see what your friends think of you when they start parading potential mates.

     I'm not married. I used to think I would like to be. As I was thinking over the prompt, I realized, I have no desire to be married, none. When did that change? Did it change? Doesn't everyone want to get married?

        With marriage comes the idea of love. The grand sweeping passion, overcoming all obstacles, committed together forever, I can't live with out you, never having to say you're sorry, you complete me, kind of love. At least that's what the movies say. I must have missed a memo.

     I've been devastated by a break up, caused that feeling in others. Never have I felt that I couldn't go on without them. No one has ever "completed" me. I'm always saying, "I'm sorry". Infidelity and money problems proved to be obstacles not overcome. "Till death do us part", is the opening line for a cage match.

     Although I could be described as a bit of a loner, I like being in a relationship. I think it brings out some of my better qualities. I've never felt I needed to be in a relationship. My life is as full when I'm single as it is when I'm not. A partner doesn't complete me, I do. I'm already whole.

     I'm not afraid of commitment. My current relationship is 12 years and going, maybe 13. Neither of us is sure of the date. We've laughed together, cried together, screamed at each other, failed and triumphed together. Being married wouldn't change things. The reception would be fun though.

     Is there one true love? I going to come down on the side of not for me. Every person brings something into your life. I have loved them all for who and what they were and how they changed my life. For ever is a long time. Expecting you will grow and change together is a really tall order. The best I can promise is I will try. 
     Back to the whole marriage thing. Am I anti marriage? Do I think it is irrelevant in today's society? Not at all. I love weddings. Have seen strong, happy, enduring marriages and also ones that weren't. I've seen people stay together against all odds and ones who stayed for all the wrong reasons.

     My own nuptials, I expected them without really ever wanting them. I've had opportunities and if I really wanted to I could have. Coming to that realization was a bit of a surprise. I'm not really sure why no interest in marriage on my part.

   We're all different, our expectations, how we see the world, how we experience things, what we want. Marrying and having someone to share that with you is a great thing. Not, isn't anything other than another point of view.    


  1. Before I was married, I had wished a marriage came with an expiry date. I think that marriage is kinda like a passport to have kids. That's me thinking out loud.

    It's great that you know what you want and that you're happy being single. I understand your annoyance at people who are trying to hook you up. It's like married couples being constantly asked when are they having a baby. Life's like that.

  2. I am so glad you said that part about already "being whole". too often I think people, and by that I mean, girls (ha) expect the other person to make them happy. Like everything will suddenly change once for good once the vows are said. When really, you have to be happy - and whole - all on your own first.

    Believe me, some days I am also surprised to wake up and find myself married with children. LOL. But of course, I wouldn't change a thing.

  3. Marriage with an expiration date LOL I like that Germaine. Unfortunately we've all seen a few that had a best before date.
    Funny you mention it I was teasing my friends who got married this summer when we could expect children. They didn't think it was as funny as I did.

  4. I agree with the happy and whole all on your own first RoryBore. How can you give or accept love if you feel miserable and broken.
    That's right up there with, they'll change.
    Sure, their socks, we are who we are.
    Don't think for a moment I don't have days where I envy both of you your beautiful families.


Thanks for your comment, I hope you enjoyed your time in the "Kitchen".