Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Justice

      It's my pleasure to announce my final February guest here in the Kitchen, Rachel from Totally Ovar It. I'd say my final social media post but I just got a late request so...  Anyway, I've been wracking my brain trying to introduce her post, to do it justice, and I'm having a hard time.

     We all blog for different reasons, about different things. We put it out there and hope someone is reading. My own bit of the blogshere is not what I would call an overly personal one. Quite frankly, I am a very private person, not willing to put my heart out there and have it open to scrutiny. I'm constantly amazed by people who have the courage to do that.

     Reading people's accounts of abuse, illness, loss etc and how it affects them or how they have moved on is inspirational. The community has a vibrant and supportive network that spans the globe, shining a light into life's darker corners. You are not alone. There is hope. I understand.

     Unfortunately, not all of our online experiences are good ones. I already did my rant about an experience I had on a forum. Unpleasant but not a big deal. I've not had a really negative response to my blog or had to deal with haters. With any luck, I never will. Not all of us are so fortunate. Today, Rachel is sharing her encounter with the darker side of blogging.

The Underbelly of the Blogosphere

I find there is truly helpful information on becoming a successful blogger everywhere.

My biggest piece of advice: Don't piss off the Homecoming Queen of Twitter.

Sadly, I am extremely cynical. I am also not super interested in growing my "brand" or give a shit about what people think. I blog for me and if you read it, that kind of fascinates me as to why.

But I cared oh so much, one year ago

When my blog was novel and the bloggers I met loved me and I was in the Homecoming Queen's court.

And then I sent an email to said Queen because I was hurt by her actions towards me and everything turned.

The HQ decided I was no longer worthy of her attention and, in fact, decided I was no longer worthy to contact her either. I was blocked from her Twitter and Facebook accounts, with no explanation.

I desperately tried to reach out to her many, many times. To talk about why my feelings were so hurt by her actions. To do anything to re-establish our friendship. All to no avail. I am dead to her. 

Not only did she turn on me, she reported my Twitter account as harassing and got it shut down. She blocked my email address from her site and got a number of her followers (many of whom I was silly enough to think they were my friends) to "unfollow" me and block me from their Twitter and Facebook accounts.

All of this without even saying "Boo" to me.  I do not enjoy conflict, but I always want to resolve it. 

But I also thank her for this as it was the best thing she could have done for me.

She made me rethink why I blog. So much so that I quit blogging for over 4 months. And when I restarted I did it on my terms.

In fact, I'm glad she got my old handle 'totallyovarit' banned. Because that's NOT how I want to be known. I am so much more than my blog. I am a real person with literally life or death problems. Not someone who is interested in tweeting my day away.

She also showed me who she does not have influence over. Ironically they are people I met through her, yet they have stuck by me through everything I have gone through. They are my champions. And I love them as they are my family too.

I blog for me, plain and simple.

I blog because I am painfully honest about my past and want other abused women to know they are not alone.

I am not out there trying to grow my audience or get a book deal (yet).

I refuse to get caught up in the bullshit of "I'll comment on your blog if you comment on mine" and "I'll follow you if you follow me." No. I will comment when something resonates. It doesn't matter if I'm the first and only comment or the fiftieth one.

I wear my heart on my sleeve because I want anyone who reads my blog and thus decides to become my friend in this virtual world, to know exactly what s/he is in for.

I will never again be duped by the false friendship of another, more popular blogger. As I have first hand experience that while she is a talented writer, she is a shallow, mean, vindictive woman. For bloggers like her I have little patience.


http://www.totallyovarit.com/

     There are a couple of reasons why this particular post hits home. I was reading another blog and she was also dealing with negative responses. Her words " you can't take this safe place away from me" stayed with  me for days after.

     I think we forget sometimes, there is a real person behind each post. We are a step removed from actual person to person contact. Sometimes that is a great thing. We have time to think, process then respond. Other times we forget the power of a keystroke. We forget the person behind the post. Just like IRL feelings get hurt, actions have consequences, even those keystrokes.

     Thank you Rachel for sharing this. Yes, there may be haters out there, but they can only take away our voice if we let them. In trying to break us down, they only make us stronger. That's divine justice.



    

23 comments:

  1. How did I not know this? Rachel, that just... well, sucks! But you are so right. No one can take your safe place away. It's YOUR space.

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    1. Thank you, Ally. I will never again let anyone take away MY SPACE! Thank you for sticking with me!

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  2. I'm feeling deja-vu as I feel like I have read this before. But maybe I made that up. And if I didn't read it and am just that intuitive I'm going to freak myself out a bit.

    Anyway, I thank Paul for welcoming us into his kitchen. I love that. Honestly, I do! I want to pull up a chair around your table and make some coffee and/or tea. OK, but I tangent (nice to meet you, I talk a lot!).

    Rachel, I'm sorry you went through all of this. That sucks. Royally. I knew you were MIA, but I honestly thought it was of your own accord, and that you changed your twitter handle when you came back to us (ok, me!) and decided to revamp what you write about in your space. Anyway, I'm glad you stayed strong, and came back stronger. It's not worth it to let anyone impact us in that way. I kind of wrote about something similar today. Toxic "friends" and environments. So let's just say I totally feel you.

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    1. I am sorry you feel me! It all worked out for the best as my blog is much more varied, and I'm told much more interesting because of my change. I don't miss my old handle at all, and I'm thankful for people like you that continued our friendship!

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  3. Great post, Rachel. And glad you are blogging for all the right reasons now!!

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  4. Thank you! I would have never met you if I didn't start back up!

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  5. I have been so fortunate to not have encountered any kind of haters yet. So sorry that it is not the same in your case. I did a lot of research before I started my blog, and I came across this darker side in my readings. I declared right from the starting gate that I would only post that which encouraged, supported, and uplifted other women on this journey we are all on. I could not live with being the one to cause another to stumble and fall.
    I hope it is only pleasant and uplifting experiences for you from here on!

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    1. It has been a great experience since my re-start. I may not have super positive posts sometimes but I am enjoying the journey!

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  6. It is amazing to me how many people equate any comment that differs from "OMG you are awesome and everything you do is rainbows and unicorns" as offensive and bullying. I'm so glad that you have not let your experience prevent you from making your space in the blogosphere. I'm super-curious who the HQ is though!

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    1. I am not one to pay lip service just to have a larger audience. People who enjoy my blog come back even if I don't comment on theirs. Also, I truly don't care if people comment on my blog as I'm just glad people read it. I will stay very, very mum about the identity of the HQ. I will always tell my secrets but never someone else's! Thank you for your comment!

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  7. Oh, I've been through this same thing in another life. But I'm glad that you came back because I'm glad I met you. I appreciate that you're honest and you don't pull punches. :)

    I don't know if I would know the HQ in this case, but I have been around people like that on the Internet and I had a similar experience to you. I've learned that the HQ's of the world treat the people like us in the world because we scare the crap out of them. We have something they don't and deep down they know it. We mirror back to the HQ's of the world that thing they want and know they don't have.

    You're an awesome person (and blog hop partner) and I'm not saying that to kiss up to you. :) Keep being you. :)

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    1. Thanks, Kathy! I enjoy being your blog-hop partner even if I'm sometime, ahem usually, late. My husband said the same thing about people being afraid of me because I am "too" honest. I'm sorry you have had the same experience as for me, the hurt was overwhelming. Oh well, screw 'em!

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  8. Rachel, I can't thank you enough for being a guest here in the Kitchen with me. I love the fact you talked about what was a negative but it had very positive results for you in the long run. And not naming names, you've got class.

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    1. Thank YOU so much for letting me guest post on your wonderful site! I have enjoy the experience immensely. As for not naming names, it helps no one to do so, but thank you for thinking that's classy!

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  9. :-) Big Hugs, Rachel, I love your honesty. No one can be you, and you, my dearest friend, completely rock. I am sorry you went through an experience like that - you know I've shared mine with you - and we're both lucky to come out stronger from these ****** experiences. After all, we ARE kind of a big deal, right?

    It creeps me out that someone would actually "ban" and influence others to "unfollow" ....and all that. Gross. :-) I don't know if that has happened to me, 'coz, like you, I am not desperately trying to become popular out there!

    And then, I am grateful for all the soul mates discovered :-) Rachel, I do hope your book is coming along well, because your words have such life.

    Love you lots. Loved your guest post! Hugs!

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    1. Thank you, lovely V! I adore the people like you whom I've met through ths experience. Also, I am grateful that I re-started my blog instead of deleting it entirely, like I thought of doingso many times! Thank you for hanging in there with me.

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  10. Good on you for keeping at it. I have not had this experience, but I imagine it could be devastating. It's funny how wrapped up people get in being the queen of Twitter or Facebook or the blogoshpere or whatever...when really it doesn't matter.

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    1. It really doesn't! I love that about this experience! How it has empowered me to write about so many things that most people won't touch and I FINALLY don't care about being judged! Thank you for your comment.

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  11. Rachel, you wouldn't believe how many Twitter and Facebook Queens I've pissed off. Sometimes I just can't help myself and call them out. Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. But sometimes I find them ridiculous. Why can't people laugh at themselves? But who am I but just some lowly blogger.
    Thanks!
    mark
    p.s. I'm now Following you.

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    1. I know, right? If I can't laugh at myself then who can you laugh at? That's my mantra anyway! I'm so glad to have have a new follower! There are NO lowly bloggers in my book. Thank you for your comment!

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  12. Hey Rachel! I usually don't chase people down when they guest post, but I somehow knew you were going to write on this. I want so much to call her out right here, but since you didn't I won't either. You know I want to though....lol

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    1. Oh, Sandy, you make me laugh! Thank you for keeping my secret too. Thank you for chasing! Big hugs!

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  13. I love Rachel's writing. Who doesn't? There are Twitter Queens you say? Oh dear, I better stay away from the beehive. Great post!

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Thanks for your comment, I hope you enjoyed your time in the "Kitchen".