Justice

      It's my pleasure to announce my final February guest here in the Kitchen, Rachel from Totally Ovar It. I'd say my final social media post but I just got a late request so...  Anyway, I've been wracking my brain trying to introduce her post, to do it justice, and I'm having a hard time.

     We all blog for different reasons, about different things. We put it out there and hope someone is reading. My own bit of the blogshere is not what I would call an overly personal one. Quite frankly, I am a very private person, not willing to put my heart out there and have it open to scrutiny. I'm constantly amazed by people who have the courage to do that.

     Reading people's accounts of abuse, illness, loss etc and how it affects them or how they have moved on is inspirational. The community has a vibrant and supportive network that spans the globe, shining a light into life's darker corners. You are not alone. There is hope. I understand.

     Unfortunately, not all of our online experiences are good ones. I already did my rant about an experience I had on a forum. Unpleasant but not a big deal. I've not had a really negative response to my blog or had to deal with haters. With any luck, I never will. Not all of us are so fortunate. Today, Rachel is sharing her encounter with the darker side of blogging.

The Underbelly of the Blogosphere

I find there is truly helpful information on becoming a successful blogger everywhere.

My biggest piece of advice: Don't piss off the Homecoming Queen of Twitter.

Sadly, I am extremely cynical. I am also not super interested in growing my "brand" or give a shit about what people think. I blog for me and if you read it, that kind of fascinates me as to why.

But I cared oh so much, one year ago

When my blog was novel and the bloggers I met loved me and I was in the Homecoming Queen's court.

And then I sent an email to said Queen because I was hurt by her actions towards me and everything turned.

The HQ decided I was no longer worthy of her attention and, in fact, decided I was no longer worthy to contact her either. I was blocked from her Twitter and Facebook accounts, with no explanation.

I desperately tried to reach out to her many, many times. To talk about why my feelings were so hurt by her actions. To do anything to re-establish our friendship. All to no avail. I am dead to her. 

Not only did she turn on me, she reported my Twitter account as harassing and got it shut down. She blocked my email address from her site and got a number of her followers (many of whom I was silly enough to think they were my friends) to "unfollow" me and block me from their Twitter and Facebook accounts.

All of this without even saying "Boo" to me.  I do not enjoy conflict, but I always want to resolve it. 

But I also thank her for this as it was the best thing she could have done for me.

She made me rethink why I blog. So much so that I quit blogging for over 4 months. And when I restarted I did it on my terms.

In fact, I'm glad she got my old handle 'totallyovarit' banned. Because that's NOT how I want to be known. I am so much more than my blog. I am a real person with literally life or death problems. Not someone who is interested in tweeting my day away.

She also showed me who she does not have influence over. Ironically they are people I met through her, yet they have stuck by me through everything I have gone through. They are my champions. And I love them as they are my family too.

I blog for me, plain and simple.

I blog because I am painfully honest about my past and want other abused women to know they are not alone.

I am not out there trying to grow my audience or get a book deal (yet).

I refuse to get caught up in the bullshit of "I'll comment on your blog if you comment on mine" and "I'll follow you if you follow me." No. I will comment when something resonates. It doesn't matter if I'm the first and only comment or the fiftieth one.

I wear my heart on my sleeve because I want anyone who reads my blog and thus decides to become my friend in this virtual world, to know exactly what s/he is in for.

I will never again be duped by the false friendship of another, more popular blogger. As I have first hand experience that while she is a talented writer, she is a shallow, mean, vindictive woman. For bloggers like her I have little patience.


http://www.totallyovarit.com/

     There are a couple of reasons why this particular post hits home. I was reading another blog and she was also dealing with negative responses. Her words " you can't take this safe place away from me" stayed with  me for days after.

     I think we forget sometimes, there is a real person behind each post. We are a step removed from actual person to person contact. Sometimes that is a great thing. We have time to think, process then respond. Other times we forget the power of a keystroke. We forget the person behind the post. Just like IRL feelings get hurt, actions have consequences, even those keystrokes.

     Thank you Rachel for sharing this. Yes, there may be haters out there, but they can only take away our voice if we let them. In trying to break us down, they only make us stronger. That's divine justice.