1 I can't make Kraft Dinner, or as I like to call it Crap Dinner. I personally loathe the stuff but I do have friends who like it so have made the attempt... and I ruined it. All three times I tried to make it. WTF. In the same vein, a simple vinaigrette is beyond me. My friend Erica can whip one up out of spit and sunshine, these incredible taste experiences, me not so much.
2 I can't play tennis, which is too bad because I love to try and play tennis. I have friends who are good players and thought at first I was just being modest, perish the thought. It's amazing how mad people get when they think you've lied to them, when in fact, you did warn them.
3 I can't sing. I'm a baritone, not the super deep Barry White kind, but deep enough when I try for those high notes it sounds like I'm strangling a cat.
4 I can't dance. I can feel a beat, but I'm very clumsy. Wild abandon and clumsy don't mix, at least not well.
5 I have no game face. You can normally tell just what I think about something by my expression. Unless I'm concentrating, then apparently I just look mean.
6 My filter is broken. I don't suffer from foot and mouth, I'm usually right up to the thigh. For example, Ferd went skiing this weekend and was telling me he thought he should buy new ski pants. He felt the ones he had were too bulky, preventing him from being able to maneuver properly. Now we're not talking about shaving micro seconds off the slalom run here. My reaction? Hysterical laughter. Flashing through my brain, the Michellan Man trying to ski, sexy Flanders clip from the Simpsons all under-layed with my inner monologue going, " You can't maneuver because you can't ski for shit". His reaction, "You're such an asshole".
7 I'm a terrible liar. Now you may think that isn't such a bad thing, but if your boss asks for an opinion, you know they want a "You're Brilliant" response. If I'm not feelin' it, I can't sell it.
8 This one is situational, I can't focus at home. At work, I'm the scary focused, uber organized employee. An hour after arrival my day is planned, scheduled and I've moved on to what am I going to have for dinner. Getting it together at home..... it all falls apart. The simplest of tasks get side tracked. You know how I spent this weekend? Taking down my Christmas decorations. Seriously. In March.
Even my blog posts get sidetracked. I started a memorial post for Davy Jones, which started me thinking about my childhood which segued into wanting Bachelor's Pudding, which then turned into me making Apple and Pear Crisp, thinking it would make a good recipe post, eating the aforementioned crisp before pictures were taken, sidelining the Chocolate Chip Cookie trials ending up with me thinking I should really redesign my header for the blog because, well, why not? See what I mean.
9 I can't spell. I spell things phonetically. With out spellcheck I would be lost. Whenever Blogger doesn't give me that sea of yellow, I know it's not working, again.
10. I can't do this. You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out why I might ever want to do this or how it would be of any benefit.
There you have it, my list of ten. I'll leave you with this. Sorry Davy, you deserve better but....
The "Manchester Cowboy", you'll be missed.
